Diapers, Diapers, Diapers

Well, it has been far too long since I took over Prim's blog. For the record, I couldn't be happier that we are going to welcome a new baby girl into our family and I look forward to all the father/daughter dance parties. I hope she realizes that the running man and the macarena not only don't get old, but they don't get less embarrassing 25 years after their hay day.

As most of you probably know, I don't much care for sleep. So, I got up this morning around 7:45. I am not allowed to stay in bed while Prim is sleeping because I get on my phone and read all the material from ESPN.com including midget gymnastics and mixed gender figure skating.

A few days ago we bought our first round of diapers because Babies R Us is having some sort of deal on Pampers. (I also got into a minor altercation with a grandmother who was trying to lay claim to a car seat base that was neither in her cart nor in her hands. Needless to say, it went home with me)  I started wondering if the "deal" we got from Babies R Us was even that great of a deal. I googled diaper deals and mommy blogs and I went to places that no heterosexual male should ever venture. In fact, it would be safe to say that no homosexual male should venture there either. Regardless, the valuable information helped to establish a parameter to what was considered a good deal on diapers. The general consensus was that anything from .20-.25 cents a diaper was considered a steal. I checked Babies R Us, Wal-Mart, Target, CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Publix and Diapers.com. I researched printable coupons and manufacturing rebates for the next hour or so. During all of my research, I was keeping a running spreadsheet with places that had deals and what the cost was per diaper. Somewhere around 9 the princess/queen preggers boss (PQPB) came slowly down the stairs. This conversation followed:

PQPB: What are you doing? I thought you would be up making my breakfast.
Me: No baby. I have been researching the best deals on diapers, but I am hungry as well.
PQPB: Good, what are we having?
Me: I thought you would make breakfast for me.
PQPQ: So, what are we having? Did I mention that Bittle is hungry as well?
Me: I turn on the oven to bake some biscuits and I chop a package of strawberries.
PQPB: Eats her homemade jam filled biscuit(s) and her strawberries with a very content look on her face.

Fast forward to the early afternoon:

Me: Can we go to Babies R Us (BRU)?
PQPB: Yes, I need to go to the Summit and get maternity panty hoes anyway (Prim informed me pre-post that it isn't spelled like a promiscuous lady of the night, but more like pantyhose. I kept it in because, quite frankly, this spelling is way more entertaining.)
Me: Great!!
PQPB: Why are you so excited?
Me: You will see.

So, I wheel my cart all over BRU and I am looking for the deal that I researched all morning long. 234 Pampers Swaddlers in size 1. Apparently, size 1 is the diaper that gets used most often in this whole process. For the life of me, I can't find the holy grail of my shopping foray. There are no BRU employees around and PQPB is getting restless with my persistent.

PQPB: Just get the 210 pack of Pampers Swaddlers
Me: Don't you know that the 210 and 234 are the same price. That is an additional 24 diapers for free!
PQPB: Whatever, we are going to be late for church if you don't hurry up.

Finally, I find the BRU employee, which at this point I consider a mythical creature i.e a unicorn or a Yettie. She informs me that she doesn't think that they have anymore. I, then, inform her that BRU's website states that they have an endless supply, which I know because I ran the numbers up to 10 packs of diapers. I never got her name, but that peach of a woman came around the corner with two of the most beautiful Pampers boxes I had ever seen. For the record, it was only about the 5th Pampers box I had ever laid eyes on, but these things were gorgeous. PQPB is signing up for some VIB (Very Important Baby) program, so she tells me to check out without her. I roll my cart full of 564 diapers into checkout lane #5 where I am greeted, very kindly, by a checkout attendant. (Note: my researched deal was limited to 3 boxes and PQPB thought 702 diapers was a little overkill, so I picked up a newborn box as well. Sadly, I think she is right).

BRU's finest employee and I struck up the following conversation:

BRUFE: Do you have a reward's card with us?
Me: I most certainly do. (Handing it over)
BRUFE: Thank you so much. (She was very pleasant)
Me: I also have these coupons (Handing over my 4 coupons)
BRUFE: I am really sorry, but I don't think these coupons will work because three of them are the same.
Me: No ma'am. They will work because they are $1.5 off of each box and they don't have any stated limitations
BRUFE: Well, let's give a try. Awesome, they all worked.
Me: Thank you very much.
BRUFE: Have a great day.

PQPB comes around the corner a smiling, card toting member of BRU's VIB program. We end the excursion with this conversation:

PQPB: How'd it go?
Me: Very very well. I ended up getting the diapers for an average price of $.17 a diaper.
PQPB: That's great.
Me: The mommy blogs state that a great deal is anywhere between $.20 and $.25, but we killed that. I calculated that we could have gotten them for $.15, but I realize 702 diapers is a bit much.
PQPB: Yeah, but you did a great job.

We went off to church two very happy and very thrifty parents to be. I love that PQPB patronizes me when I get excited even though I know deep down she would rather have those 15 minutes of time back. She would probably use it to smock a dress, write a brief, cure cancer, solve the homeless epidemic or whatever it is she does in her spare time.